the emotional pain that heartbreak evokes is excruciating. Nothing else matters, no one else matters. We can barely function, think, or move. We feel removed from everyone and alone in a haze of unreality, trapped in our shattered world. All we can see is the person who broke our heart, and all we can feel is terrible pain.


新2代理网站What we want most is for the pain to ease, to stop hurting so badly — but that is not what our mind wants.


新2代理网站When our heart is broken, our mind has a very different agenda than we do. As a result, it ends up deceiving us and making things worse. If we want to stop hurting and move on, we need to know when NOT to trust what our mind tells us.


Why We Cannot Trust Our Mind When We Have a Broken Heart

當我們心碎的時候, 為什么我們不能相信自己的思想.

To stop hurting, we need to accept the reality of the breakup and make efforts to move on. We need to reduce the amount of time we spend thinking about the person who broke our heart. We need to diminish their presence in our thoughts and our lives, slowly but surely.


Our mind wants to do the opposite. Our mind wants us to think about the person all the time, to hold on to the pain and never forget who and what caused it. Our mind wants this, because it is trying to "protect" us in the manner in which it typically does. If something causes us pain, like a hot stove, our mind’s job is to remind us not to touch that hot stove again, to make sure we remember how painful it was the first time. The more painful the experience, the more our mind will labor to make sure we don’t forget it, so we never make that "mistake" again. Given how excruciating heartbreak is, our mind will do everything it can to keep that pain fresh in our thoughts. As a result, our mind will trick us into thinking that ...:


1. Our ex was the best, the one, the only one.


Our mind will try to remind us of our ex’s best qualities. Images of them at their best will pop into our head unbidden. However, this unbalanced, unrealistic, and idealized portrayal of the person who broke our heart will only make the pain we feel worse.

我們的大腦會試圖提醒我們前任的優點。他們最好的形象會不請自來地出現在我們的腦海里。然而, 這種不平衡的、不現實的、理想化的描述傷透了我們的心, 只會讓我們感覺更糟糕。

新2代理网站2. The relationship made us happy all the time.


新2代理网站No, it didn’t; no relationship does. There were plenty of frustrating, annoying, or hurtful moments, and we should recall those as well.


3. If we just text them or contact them, we will feel better.

3.如果我們只是發短信或者聯系他們, 我們會感覺更好。

The urge to text, message, call, or email will be very strong. But doing those things will only make us feel more desperate and needy, and hurt our self-esteem.

發短信、留言、打電話或發電子郵件的沖動將會非常強烈。但是做這些事情只會讓我們感到更加絕望和貧窮, 傷害我們的自尊心。

新2代理网站4. Talking about the breakup with all our friends will ease our pain.


新2代理网站No, it won’t. Talking about emotionally painful events is natural — even useful, if we do it in a problem-solving way, or if we do it to get emotional validation. But just going over the same details again and again will only make us feel worse.

不, 不會的。談論情感上痛苦的事情是很自然的, 甚至是有用的, 如果我們用解決問題的方式, 或者我們這樣做是為了獲得情感上的認可。但是一次又一次地重復同樣的細節只會讓我們感覺更糟。

新2代理网站5. We have to know exactly why the breakup occurred.


新2代理网站Having a clear understanding of why a breakup occurred is actually useful. However, few of us ever get a clear and honest explanation for such things. Trying to get into our ex’s head to understand why things didn’t work out is a rabbit hole. Better to settle on "they weren’t in love enough" or "we were not the right match."

對分手的原因有一個清晰的理解實際上是有用的。然而, 我們當中很少有人能夠對這些事情做出清楚和誠實的解釋。試圖進入我們前任的腦袋里去理解為什么事情沒有解決是一個兔子洞。還不如說"他們不夠相愛"或者"我們不合適"